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Author Topic: Great Damn Joke thread (Whatever damn volumn this is)  (Read 7075 times)
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The One Man Gang
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Thunderin' Jayzus! Didja think I was dead!?!?!


« Reply #72 on: December 08, 2009, 01:16:55 PM »

"In a recent survey carried out for a leading toiletries firm (Brut), people from Detroit and Chicago have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!

In the survey, 86% of Detroit 's and Chicago 's inner city residents said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.
 
The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison yet.
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« Reply #73 on: December 14, 2009, 06:42:28 PM »

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rudedog
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« Reply #74 on: December 19, 2009, 09:41:46 PM »

Angels Explained By Children
I only know the names of two angels, Hark and Harold.
Gregory, age 5


------------------------------------------------------------
Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore.
I forget why, but scientists are working on it

-Olive, age 9



------------------------------------------------------------
It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die.
Then you go to Heaven, and then there's still the flight training to go
through.

And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
-Matthew, age 9


------------------------------------------------------------
Angels work for God and watch over kids when God
has to go do something else.
-Mitchell, age 7



------------------------------------------------------------
My guardian angel helps me with math,

but he's not much good for science.


-Henry, age 8

------------------------------------------------------------
Angels don't eat,
but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!!


-Jack, age 6


Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven.

The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead.

Daniel, age 9

------------------------------------------------------------



When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten.
And when he lets out his breath again, somewhere there's a tornado.
-Reagan, age 10

------------------------------------------------------------

Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy.
If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window
and leaves money under your pillow

Then when it gets cold, angels go south for the winter.

-Sara, age 6




------------------------------------------------------------

Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his
son, who's a very good carpenter.
-Jared, age 8

------------------------------------------------------------




All angels are girls because they gotta wear
dresses and boys didn't go for it.
-Antonio, age 9

------------------------------------------------------------

My angel is my grandma who died last year.
She got a big head start on

helping me while she was still down here on earth.


-Ashley ~ age 9

------------------------------------------------------------



Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal
sick animals and pets.
And if they don't make the animals get better,

they help the child get over it.

-Vicki, age 8

------------------------------------------------------------



What I don't get about angels is why, when someone
is in love, they shoot arrows at them.

-Sarah, age 7
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Go Big Orange!
bluevols
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« Reply #75 on: December 19, 2009, 11:33:13 PM »

What is and will always be UT basketball?
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The One Man Gang
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« Reply #76 on: December 22, 2009, 12:08:47 PM »

PSA:

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« Reply #77 on: December 26, 2009, 12:35:15 PM »

Cause and effect in one sign:

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« Reply #78 on: January 03, 2010, 10:52:57 PM »

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.

"One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.

"He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang.' Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
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« Reply #79 on: January 04, 2010, 09:30:09 AM »

Bumper stickers seen on military bases


“Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything.”


“Army Rangers – Certified Counselors to the 72 Virgins Dating Club.”


“Water-boarding is out so kill them all!”


“Interrogators can’t water-board dead guys”


“U.S. Marines – Travel Agents To Allah”


“Stop Global Whining”


“When  In Doubt, Empty The Magazine”
 

“The Marine Corps – When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed Overnight”


“Death Smiles At Everyone – Rangers Smile Back”


“Army Sniper – You can run, but you’ll just die tired!”



“What Do I Feel When I Kill A Terrorist?  A Little Recoil”


“Marines – Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity To Die For their Country Since 1775”


“Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It”


“Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon”


“It’s God’s Job to Forgive Bin Laden – It’s Our Job To Arrange The Meeting”


“Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just A Vulgar Brawl”


“One Shot, Twelve Kills – U.S. Naval Gun Fire Support”


“Do Draft-Dodgers Have Reunions?  If So, What Do They Talk About?”


“My Kid Fought In Iraq So Your Kid Can Party In College”


“Machine Gunners – Accuracy By Volume”


“A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy – Blessed Be The Peacemakers”
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That Which Doesn't Break Me, Only Makes Me Stronger
Reflections on 12 years of Catholic Education.

It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one's life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than "try to be a little kinder".
The One Man Gang
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« Reply #80 on: January 04, 2010, 10:08:34 AM »











But, lest we forget:



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« Reply #81 on: January 06, 2010, 11:33:43 PM »

SCAM ALERT!!!

Just got scammed outta $25!
 
Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My favorite 18 holes".
 
Turns out it's about golf.
 
Pass this on so others don't get scammed too
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« Reply #82 on: January 10, 2010, 07:23:39 PM »

All temps in celsius (100C = 212F / 0C =32F)

http://static.funnyjunk.com/pictures/temperatureextremespe20.jpg
« Last Edit: May 28, 2010, 09:41:05 PM by Commissar Mao tse-Cat » Logged

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« Reply #83 on: January 17, 2010, 02:59:53 PM »

File this under "Things Youu Can't Unsee"

http://failblog.org/2010/01/17/bathing-suit-fail/

Ack!
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