| 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
|
rudedog
Administrator
Whine and Biscuit King
Karma: +5/-6
 Online
Posts: 1980
|
 |
« Reply #90 on: February 04, 2010, 12:31:11 PM » |
|
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that.. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea
and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with sweet tea. I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!"
Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?"
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Go Big Orange!
|
|
|
plumbervol
Administrator
OSVF Stalker
Karma: +18/-28
Online
Posts: 5904
|
|
« Reply #91 on: February 04, 2010, 02:05:09 PM » |
|
Come on Plumber. This is a joke thread and Monte is gone.
Just commenting on a joke!!  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
 ARM THE HOMELESS!! UNITE! It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one's life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than 'try to be a little kinder.' Aldous Huxley |
|
|
onemangang
Administrator
Whine and Biscuit King
Karma: +43/-65535
Online
Posts: 1602
|
|
« Reply #92 on: February 05, 2010, 12:21:16 AM » |
|
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my Bourbon
They are such a**holes ..
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
"The TRUE mission of the UN is to transfer money from the poor people of rich nations to the rich people of poor nations." - Darth Mondo
"I wanna do it, Gus. I wanna see that country, before the bankers and lawyers all git it. - Capt. Woodrow F. Call
"I god, Woodrow." - Captain Augustus McRae
|
|
|
rudedog
Administrator
Whine and Biscuit King
Karma: +5/-6
Online
Posts: 1980
|
|
« Reply #93 on: February 24, 2010, 07:25:34 PM » |
|
We miss Rodney Dangerfield because he said:
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose.
Last night she used me to time an egg.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips,
yet she won't drink from my glass!
Last night my wife met me at the front door.. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.'
I went over. Nobody was home!
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying.
I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?'
She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen
the roaches hang themselves.
I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on
I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex;
she called me from Chicago last night.
I knew a girl so ugly... they used her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Go Big Orange!
|
|
|
rudedog
Administrator
Whine and Biscuit King
Karma: +5/-6
Online
Posts: 1980
|
|
« Reply #94 on: March 02, 2010, 12:20:19 PM » |
|
Classifieds
These classifieds actually ran in a Minneapolis newspapers - a few smiles for your day....
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER .
8-years old. Hateful little !#$@&. Bites!
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES..
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog..able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat. Been out awhile.
Better be a big reward.
NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown - 89 cents/lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300..
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
And the best one?:
FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Go Big Orange!
|
|
|
onemangang
Administrator
Whine and Biscuit King
Karma: +43/-65535
Online
Posts: 1602
|
|
« Reply #95 on: March 05, 2010, 12:14:47 PM » |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
"The TRUE mission of the UN is to transfer money from the poor people of rich nations to the rich people of poor nations." - Darth Mondo
"I wanna do it, Gus. I wanna see that country, before the bankers and lawyers all git it. - Capt. Woodrow F. Call
"I god, Woodrow." - Captain Augustus McRae
|
|
|
|
